Week 25- Still going strong!

It's been a few months.  The summer got away from me.  I thought I would have time and a routine- haha! Foolish!  I have 6 kids and we went to a funeral in New Mexico, family reunion in Colorado, Bear Lake, my brother came home from his mission to Brazil, my sister and her 2 kids visited from Hawaii, and I worked a lot.  It was a very good but BUSY summer.  School started and thus began the late nights, getting up early, stress, etc....And I still managed to lose weight!  Yay!

I am halfway to my goal!  I am down 61 lbs!  It feels like a dream, it doesn't feel real!  I am just amazed that I could do this.  I am so incredibly grateful to have a program that works so consistently!  I feel so overwhelmed because I have hope for the first time in years and years and years.

I took my girls school shopping at Maurice's (my favorite store that I cannot afford and want to work at so I can get a discount) and I took courage and tried on size 13/14 pants...and they fit!!!!  AHHHHHHH!!!!
Yes, I cried, yes I felt like my heart would burst.
You have to understand I came from years of no hope for losing weight.  I never thought this day would come and guess what?  I have hope that I WILL ACTUALLY get to my goal weight by February (or sooner)!  Crazy, exciting, dreamy!  And all without being on Biggest Loser or surgery or some other crazy diet.  It's so hard to put my feelings on paper, it's hard to describe how amazing I feel.  I'm just so happy!

I still have 59 lbs to go but I WILL DO IT!!! 

Pants that were TIGHT on me 5 months ago!

Same outfit, almost 6 months later

I'm actually crying in the picture on the left.  I hated my weight, my hopelessness.

Thanks to a great PE teacher at my school (who is doing a cross fit boot-camp for us) I started exercising this week.  I am completely thrashed and sore but it feels so awesome!  I am loving working my muscles (they've had a 10+ year break).  So I will keep you updated on how the cross fit is going.  :)

I had a Dr. appointment this summer and he said ALL my numbers have gone down to a healthy range!  He was amazed!  I wasn't surprised but so happy to hear it!  Hooray for health!!!

I'm going to try to do a post at least monthly. 

There's a health challenge coming soon- here is a video about it. They are a fun way to make health a habit.  I'm doing it.  Who's with me?  You don't have to be a client to do the challenge. 

#watchmelose  #committed

13-15 weeks- Just Keep going

Keep going, trust the program, trust the healthy habits I am building.  This is my mantra- what I tell myself all the time.
I only weigh myself once a week because I don't want the scale to control me.

And then I get on the scale on Saturday 5/31 which I was expecting not to be good because it was the last week of school...and it's down another 3 lbs!  WOOHOO!

41 lbs and 34.6 inches lost in 13 weeks.  It shocks me EVERY week!  And I have a spreadsheet where I keep all this data so I can see where I started.  I have lost 8 inches off my chest, 6.5 inches from my waist, 9.5 inches off my hips, 5 inches off each thigh!!!!  Holy crap!!!!  Do I say that too much?  But seriously!  I am a third of the way to my goal!  80 more lbs to be where I was in high school and what's crazy is this is actually "doable" with the help of my new best friend Take Shape for Life (and my health coach) My goal is to be there by Christmas!  What a present to me- getting my life back!

But the next week, 6/7, the first week of summer, I get on the scale and it hasn't moved.  Bummer! But I have lost some inches so I call that success! I'll take it.  I try to analyze the week and what I did differently to get my results.  So my evaluation of this week- I got totally sick (fever, ear infections, sinus infection), worked 2 days, didn't sleep well, didn't track my water or eating every 3 hours...so yeah that explains it.  I have also been really stressed about Tom not having a job.  I try to stay positive and hopeful but man it's hard.

Depression sucks.  I am really having a hard time right now.  When your spouse is out of a job for months and months and months and frequently over the last 8 years...it really starts to take a toll.  Trying to save change to put a gallon of gas in the car or to get a gallon of milk REALLY hurts my positivity. I hate being poor!  I remind myself of all the things in my life that are blessings- like my family, my faith, friends, a roof over my head (for now) and those ARE the MOST important things, so why do I let myself get depressed and stressed?  I get mad at myself for not being positive.  I'm sure not having my anxiety meds for a few weeks is affecting my mood ;).  I just wish I could get this darkness out of my head.  It also affects my weight loss. AND it's compounded by my husbands' stress and depression, we're quite the pair.  I really want this to end, I hope I hurry up and learn whatever it is I am supposed to learn so we can all move on and finally start living a normal life- whatever that means.

Just keep going, one day at a time.  I am feeling good physically, now just need to fix my head and my life.  Haha.  (I'm not really laughing) I'm sure things will look better next week. 

6/14- my weight loss is now...43 lbs  :) I put on size 16 pants today!  AHHHHHH!!!!  That's 4 pants sizes smaller!  :)

We are completely in control of our own happiness! We have all known someone who appears to "have it all", yet is perpetually unhappy...nothing is ever good enough! On the other hand, we have probably all known someone who appears to be completely destitute of positive circumstances, yet beams with happiness.

We can start by wearing a smile, offering gratitude, focusing on those we love and those who love us, and actively looking for opportunities to display happiness.

 

Just keep going!  Just keep going! 

And here's a thought on how to tell if you're physically or emotionally hungry...

Here's to another week!  One week, one day at a time! 
#watchmelose  # committed  #escapefromobesity

Non-sick vs. Healthy

"It's never too late to be who you might have been"  George Eliot.  I love this quote!  Tom shared it with me. 

Being part of a healthy, supportive community is making a difference in my life.  I learn something new each week, it inspires me and I will start sharing things.

My current weight loss is 38 lbs and 32 inches in 12 weeks.  I still have a lot to lose.  Often the negative talk slips in and when I see pictures of me all I see is a fat girl instead of where I came from just 3 months ago.  I am on the right path and I just have to keep going and trust what I am doing.  It is working!  Each week I see positive results with the scale and measurements and that keeps me going.

The negative part of me says, "Ugh, look at you, still have a tire around your waist, look at how much the scale says!  Gross!"

So I am going to be brave and tell you where I started.  The scale said 253... 12 weeks ago.  Disgusting, despicable.  It now says 215.  I should feel good about that right?  But it makes my stomach turn and makes me cry to tell you those numbers. I slip into thinking, "I will never be healthy so just eat whatever I want, why keep trying... you'll just gain it all back anyway...like every single time before."  But then I say, "No!  Look at how far you have come!  Look at the path you are on!  Look at how you feel 110% better and stronger and healthier already!"  I really have to try hard to not feed the negative thoughts.  If someone compliments me I usually say "thanks, but" Tom just told me I look awesome and I said, "Thanks, but I still have SO much to lose!"


It takes commitment to keep making healthy choices and sometimes I feel weak but still in control.  Being in control feels better than giving in to cravings, but I need to give myself an escape when I feel cravings.  So instead of eating the oreos and chips (which my family ate in front of me Friday night) I got a sugar free jello and fat free whipped topping, or I go DO something.  Cravings go away if you just acknowledge you have them and don't give them power.  It just IS what it IS.  They go away after 15 minutes, did you know that?  I didn't.  But I've tried it a few times now and it's really true.  Tell yourself you can have it in 15 minutes and go get busy doing something else, I bet you won't give in to the craving. 
 
My kids have watched me and said they wish they were doing the program with me (even though they are not heavy) and I worry about their self image.  So I try to focus on being healthy and not skinny.  Just because the scale says a small number does that mean you are healthy?  No!  I need to listen to my own advice! 

Here's something I learned and have been thinking about- just because you're not sick does that mean you're healthy? Just because you are skinny does that mean you're healthy?  Nope

This is from the habits of health in my program-

"If you are not sick, you are healthy, right?

That’s often how the medical world sees it. But in reality, these two states—non-sick and healthy—are vastly different.

Health is a state that requires active maintenance. It is not something you achieve and get to keep forever without additional work, even if you are at a healthy weight and not currently faced with any health challenges. When you treat health as a destination, you are in danger of yo-yoing. You put in the effort to reach your goal, but then you drift back into unhealthy because you are not continuing your healthy lifestyle indefinitely.

Non-sickness is like purgatory—simply surviving, as opposed to a healthy state of thriving. It is caused by eating an excess quantity of nutritionally barren food, which overworks the pancreas and facilitates your body’s storage of fat. Non-sickness is a state in which your muscles become weak and flabby, a state of not enough sleep and way too much stress. It’s a state that leads you to progressively depend on medications to relieve your symptoms—symptoms that are merely your body’s way of telling you that you are not healthy.

To put it another way, maintaining your health is like maintaining a car. If you lock the newest, nicest car in a garage for 40 years, it will not run like a new car if you suddenly take it out for a drive. The engine may have rusted. That battery will likely be dead. The oil probably needs changed. The rubber on the tires may be old and rotting. The dust and dirt may have damaged the paint.
Keeping a car running at peak performance requires diligent maintenance. You take it in regularly to be serviced. You change the tires. You wash and wax the exterior. A classic car may not have the glitz and glamour of the models coming off the production line, but the engine can still roar, and the body can still look great if it has been properly cared for.

Your health is similar. You have to first decide that your health is a priority and then organize your daily choices to support a new healthy lifestyle to truly maintain optimal health.
Being non-sick often leads to life-threatening illness over time, just like driving a car without ever taking it to a mechanic for an oil change will eventually lead to serious engine failure. This state on the road to obesity is sometimes referred to as pre-obesity—a more apt description of the corresponding negative health effects than the innocuous-sounding overweight.

In a state of non-sickness, time is against you. It may go unnoticed until one day you are so fatigued that you finally go to your doctor and find out you have diabetes. Your health path has led you from non-sick to sick. The bad news is that close to 90 percent of us fall into this non-sick category. The good news is that the non-sick can usually reach optimal health in a relatively short amount of time.
Your goal should not be to achieve non-sickness but to achieve vibrant, thriving health. There is a difference."

I do love seeing my before and now pictures, so here's the most recent one-

I can almost see my collar bone!  Yay! 

And I can't get over the difference in my face!

I am 1/3 of the way to my goal!  Only 6 more months to lose the rest of my weight.  I can do this!  This is the last week of school before summer starts, I hope I can be as good as I have been when my kids are all home.  Wish me luck!



#committed  #watchmelose

Motivation

I lost 2 lbs last week and 1 lb the week before.  That's 32 lbs total and 30 inches in 10 weeks!  That's pretty dang motivating!  8.5 inches off my hips!  5 inches off my waist!  Amazing!  I fit into pants that are 2 sizes smaller!  In 10 weeks!  I could cry!

What motivates us? Why does something work where others have failed?  Is it mindset? Commitment?  The right program?

I've been pretty committed to my health program.  It's been easy for me because of my commitment and the desperation that I came from.  It continues to be easy because I see results every week and I feel so good.  I'm not stopping until I'm at my goal weight!  I'm SO incredibly thankful for this experience to get healthy and to stay healthy!!

I have learned some things watching my hubby (and others) do the program.

Lesson 1- that we all have our own experience.  It's easy for me because of my commitment.  And most days it really is easy.  Sometimes I want to eat chips or have a dessert from Kneaders but I can resist.  If you stick with the program it works, for anyone.  Tom was a little upset with me because it was harder for him, he kept saying, "You made it look so easy!!"  I think if you can make it through the first 2 weeks it does get easier.  Your body fights you the first week and the sugar detox is rough.

Lesson 2- What makes the difference is the mindset, commitment, and taking responsibility for your own health.  What are your motivations?  Why do you want to be healthy?  Are you doing it for you or someone else?  Think of your ultimate health and what it would look like?  How would your life be different if you were healthy?  What would you be able to do? 

For me I was doing it because  I was scared of dying young and missing out on my kids lives.  I was sick of how my weight held me back from so many things- spiritually, temporally, mentally.  I also saw the effects my eating habits were having on my family and was feeling guilty.  I knew something had to change and since I am mostly in charge of shopping and meals it had to start with me.  I am just thrilled I found something that works for me and my busy life! (and benefits my whole family)

So the basics of the program I'm doing is this-

* eating within an hour of waking up
* eating small meals (balanced with protein and carbs) EVERY 2-3 hours
* drinking 100 oz. of water a day
* moderate exercise 30 min/day
* getting 7-8 hrs of sleep a night


I keep trying to figure out why I feel SO good?

Why do I feel like for the first time in 20 yrs I can get up early and exercise?

Why do I not need naps anymore? (my babies still wake me up in the night 60% of the time)

Why do I wake up BEFORE my alarm goes off? (that hasn't happened in 15 years)


I love doing the program with Tom.  He is starting to see the benefits himself- more energy, sleeping better, feeling better.  It's awesome!

Hopefully you don't get sick of hearing me be so happy about all this!  ;)  I just love having ME back!! 

8 weeks

We don't succeed (as well) in isolation.  People tend to do better when they have someone working toward a goal with them.  Correct?  Yes!

The times I have exercised the most and consistently was when I had a routine with a friend. 

So I have my beautiful parents, a few friends, and now the hubs doing this program with me!  It is SO helpful and I am loving it!  One of my daughters might start soon too. 

This week- week 8- I lost another 3 lbs and 3 inches!  That's 29 lbs total and 25.5 inches!!!  I love this program!  I love that it's pretty easy (or I wouldn't be able to do it), I love that I see results every week!  (pounds AND inches) I love eating every 3 hours!  I love the variety and that I don't feel deprived.  I love the energy I have! I love that it's safe!  It's no magic pill, it's eating right and lifestyle change.  I can't say enough about this.  So thankful to have help getting the weight off.  I NEVER thought this would happen, I was sentenced to be big my whole life.

No more!  :) 

8 weeks 29 lbs and 25.5 inches GONE forever! 

I don't think I will get the exercise really going until after school is out, things are so incredibly busy right now, but I am trying to "move more" take the stairs more, park far away etc..

 #watchmelose  #committed  #escapefromobesity

Week 7- Excuses

I lost another 4 lbs this week!  26 lbs and 22.5 inches total in 7 weeks!  WHOA & YAY!!!!  I am amazed!  I am so happy!  This is working!  It is easy for me to have success, it is easy to follow, it is easy for me to NOT cheat.  I am not hungry- ever, I don't have cravings (maybe occasionally but nothing I can't control).  I am lovin' it! 

We all have excuses.  They're not invalid, they are real for most of us.  I think my excuses for being overweight are pretty good.  (though they don't comfort me)

~ having 6 kids

~ working full-time

~ haven't slept well in 15 years

~ can't afford all the healthy food/snacks

~ thyroid condition

~ gain weight no matter what I do

~ serious stress/trials in my life

~ survival mode

~ no time, no energy to exercise

~ sometimes depression

These are valid and real for me.  My priority has shifted to getting healthy and that helps with most of the excuses.  If you really want something you will find a way to get it.  If not you find excuses, we've all heard that.   But I think you need to recognize and validate the excuses for them not to have power over you.  

What are your excuses?  What's holding you back?  What has control over you?

I cannot express the freedom I feel now that food does NOT control me.  I control food.  I still enjoy things but it doesn't send me into an eating frenzy. Food is NOT my friend, it is fuel, that's all.

I have not eaten any Easter candy!  It's my favorite too- I love mini eggs and cream eggs and jelly beans...but I HAD NONE!  Success!!!  I said I wasn't cheating and I'm not, I won't.  I have lost SO much time being overweight, I cannot do anything to slow down my progress. 

Ugh, I still cringe at these pictures, but I have come so far and I LOVE where I'm going!  :)  And I SO need my hair done!

#watchmelose  #committed  #dailyhabits  #escapefromobesity

CONTROL

Just finished my 6th week on the program.  It was spring break and I didn't do much this week so I wasn't expecting to lose much, if anything.  But I lost 3 lbs and 4.5 inches.  That's a total of 22 lbs down and 21.5 inches!  Oh my goodness!  :)

More exciting than the weight loss is how I feel.

My last post started with how much I love food.  It controlled me- completely.  I never realized how much.

Guess what?  Food DOES NOT control me anymore!  Diet Pepsi doesn't control me anymore!  It's an amazing feeling!  It hasn't controlled me since week 2!!!  That's how I can say "no thanks" to cake, ice-cream, chocolate, Easter candy, chips, french fries... AND I don't even care, I don't even WANT it!  Wait what?!  Yep, no desire for it.  A few times I have wanted it emotionally, but not physically.  I wanted to treat myself in response to a stressful situation, but I didn't.  I had control.  Awesome!

I love being in control.

I love this program.  It works.  It's creating optimal health.  I still have a long road ahead.  But I love each week I get closer to my goal.  I can do this!  

22 lbs gone!  Forever!  :)

#watchmelose  #committed  #dailyhabits  #escapefromobesity

www.sallycannon.IChooseOptimalHealth.com

FOOD

I have a love/hate relationship with food.  Mostly, I love food and then hate myself in the morning.

I love food 
I love food so much 
I love to eat when I'm with friends or family
I love to eat junk- ice-cream every night- chips and dip- candy- chocolate- fast food
I love food when I celebrate
I love food when I'm sad
I love to go out to eat- Olive Garden, Texas Roadhouse, Zupas, Cafe Rio, JCW's
I love food when I'm stressed
I love food when I'm bored
I love food when I'm happy

Obviously, I love food but it doesn't love me back.  Haha.

But that is all changing.

My life is changing

One habit, one day at a time.

If I can do this health program then ANYONE can do it.   Seriously ANYONE.  I am the girl who has no self-control, no stop button, no feeling full, no getting sick when I over ate, would eat whatever I wanted, when I wanted.  I was at a point where I said, "Who cares!  I'll never lose this weight. Why try?"  I totally enjoy candy parties with my family every once and a while.  "Movie Parties" consisted of double stuff Oreos, chips and dip, candy, ice-cream.  No control.

You don't realize how much being overweight restricts your life and not just physically.  I can see now that it affected me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  It held me back from my potential, it affected my relationships.

Tom keeps saying to me, "I'm so glad I have my Sally back."  I didn't realize I was such a zombie.  I feel SO good!  I can't even believe it.  It's such a small miracle that I don't "need" Diet Pepsi anymore!  I wasn't even trying to quit it.  It just happened naturally.  SO AWESOME!

This week I only lost one pound.  BUT I lost another 2 inches!  That's a total of 19 lbs. and 17 inches in 4 weeks.  I'm trying to think of it differently, and not say "Only one pound"  Have you seen one pound of fat?

Gross!  Goodbye and good riddance one pound of fat!  I will NEVER see you again.

I LOVE this program.  LOVE!
I love that it's working!
I love that I can do it!
I love that it is easy!
I LOVE having energy!
I love how I feel!
I love drinking water!
I love feeling like "me" again!

One month down and 8 more to go until I am at a healthy weight, then a lifetime of optimal health.

#watchmelose   #committed  #dailyhabits  #escapefromobesity

Week 3

I wasn't expecting to lose much this week, I know it's going to slow down and be consistent...

I lost 5 lbs!  That's 18 lbs total and 15 inches.  Holy moly!!!  In 3 weeks!!!!  Without exercise!

Things I am LOVIN-

Clothes are feeling loose! 
My ring isn't tight anymore!
My shoes are even feeling big! Sandals I couldn't wear last year I wore on Sunday!
I don't need my diet pepsi anymore!
I have so much energy! (Tom even wants to start the program because of my energy!)
I don't need naps!!!  (Whoa! Anyone who knows me will be blown away)
I LOVE drinking my water!
I am sleeping better!
I can put my shoes on without being in pain!
My baby fits better on my lap! ;)
Did I mention my clothes are loose!!!??



I AM SO HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!!!!

I feel so much hope for my weight AND health.  It's amazing!  I haven't had hope for so many years.  It's a great feeling!

I wish I could give this gift to everyone.

I wish I hadn't waited for a year to do this!  But I am so glad I'm doing it now!

Here's my week 3 picture-

        Before Picture                                              3 weeks! :)                

Excited for each new week! I start exercising this week!  Yay!  More energy and muscle! 

My favorite meals this week-
* Vegetarian sloppy joe with organic salsa and laughing cow cheese wedge
* Mac and cheese with meatballs and a little sauce (the only way I like the mac and cheese)
* Taco salad without the chips or tortilla
* Pesto tilapia
* French Vanilla shake with sugar free caramel syrup

#watchmelose #committed

Lifestyle Change

Diets don't work! 
What I've tried and why it didn't work for me;

Weight Watchers- I really like WW because the meetings are inspiring and they do encourage life style changes.  But I lost weight really slowly and I had to plan every single thing that I ate. It took a lot of effort and time.  I loved going to the meetings but I can't fit those into my schedule every week.  So I tried WW 4 different times, I did lose weight.  I would exercise so I could eat more points of junk food.  See the motivation?  But as soon as I stopped going to meetings I gained every thing back. :(

HCG- Oh my hard and expensive!  $500 for 6 weeks of shots and you live on 500 calories a day- no carbs, no sugar, no fat- at all!  I did it for 6 weeks and I lost 35 lbs.  But I gained it all back because it wasn't a life style change.  And I was so sick of living on salad and grilled chicken.  Giving myself the shot everyday took 20 minutes of gearing myself up to doing it.  It was really horrible.  :(

Exercising- I  could say a lot about this.  Let's be honest, the only reason I wanted to exercise is so I could eat what I want.  Pathetic.  I've done- Zumba, trainers, weight lifting, treadmills, workout videos...I do like exercising, I've tried many things.  BUT I do not lose weight unless I exercise 90 minutes a day minimum!  It's just how my body works.  So it's hard to fit in my schedule.  Maybe if I wasn't working 40 hrs a week plus another 10-15 hrs at home (I'm a teacher ya know) and had my kids to play with and run around everywhere, then I would make time.  I'm not a morning person.  My natural body clock runs going to bed late and sleeping in.  So what happens is I stay up late and get up early for work.  Late at night is when I get things done- cleaning, work, laundry, etc.  It's extremely hard to get motivated to exercise at night.  Another option is after school but I haven't seen my babies all day and all I want to do is play with my kids, plus help with homework and make dinner.  The other option is the morning and that's never going to happen.  I'm so sleep deprived right now.  The other phenomena that happens to me when I start exercising is I get really sick, like really sick, I guess my body is allergic to it.  LOL.  But seriously, I want to incorporate it into my routine.  It's my goal.  I think it's vital for me and my family.

Hypnotherapy- Pretty much a joke, but I buy into everything, I'm not hard to convince.  Tried it for a while, nothing happened.  It didn't make me love vegetables or exercising.

Weigh Down Workshop- pretty good program, ties God into the weight loss and food addiction.  I liked it, I lost some weight.  But gained it back just like everything else.

Atkins- Oh my goodness.  So this is funny.  I've tries this a few times.  The most recent time I did it for 2 weeks.  It was crazy hard.  I remember at the end of 2 weeks just eating pure sugar (I have a problem).  I went to my pantry and ate brown sugar right out of the bag!  That's how deep my problems go.  Sad. 

The Zone- Good concept.  Lots of planning.  Too hard to do for me.

Slim Fast-  Easy and convenient, not for long term success.  Not filling, was hungry.  

There are others but I think I am making my point.  And please don't say to me it's just a matter of input/output, it's not that easy and you don't know what it's like to have metabolic syndrome

Diets Don't Work!

So I needed something that

1- didn't take a lot of effort or planning

2- was convenient and not expensive

3- had the support element (like in weight watchers)

4- had long term success- the goal is health not just losing weight

That's hard to find.  But I think I've found it.  A program that inspires health long term, has support, and is convenient.   Just a little bit of planning so it works for me!

In 2 weeks I've lost 13 lbs and 13 inches.  Pretty dang awesome!  I am feeling so energized!  I know the weight loss will slow down but I also know it will be steady.  I have a goal to get to my ideal healthy weight by Christmas, or maybe in sooner.  I love what I am doing.  Eating every 3 hours I have not been hungry at all.  My emotional eating has tugged on me when I'm stressed but I chose not give in.  It's awesome!  The first few day I felt a little tired and had a slight headache but that's it!  I kept saying to Tom how great I felt!  It's like when I was so sick for 10 months being pregnant and when you have the baby you feel like you can run a marathon.  I didn't realize how sick I was.  That's how I feel now, just awesome!

Let's talk about my diet pepsi addiction.  I would drink it all the time- morning, all day, and even right before bed.  It runs through my veins, it has kept me functioning and awake for years.  Guess what?  I barely drink one a day now.  I drink tons of water and I love it!  I have never loved drinking water.  And I used to get headaches a lot, but in the last few weeks only one!  YAY!  Success!!!  I still enjoy drinking one every now and then but it doesn't rule me.

I'm sleeping better, I don't feel hungry or have uncontrollable cravings.  I think this is going to work.  Watch me!  Happy, Happy, Happy!!!


Best wishes to all of you who are struggling and trying to get healthy!  Let me know if I can help you!  I actually started as a health coach, it's awesome! 

before                    first week                second week

I am excited to see these weekly pictures get progressively smaller! 
#watchmelose  #committed

Beginning

If you are here, then I trust you to not judge me, but to be positive and supporting.  This is an open, honest, and safe place for me to share my journey to a healthy me. And it is not easy for me to do.

A little about me-

I'm a mom of 6 kids, 7 if you include my hubby :) Family is my priority.  I will always put them first and I don't mind that, I love doing it, it's who I am.  I have always wanted to be a mom and have a big family.  It is divine.

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints (aka Mormon), I love my faith, it is a part of everything I do,  it completes me and fills my soul.  I respect everyone in every religion.  It makes me happy if people have any faith in God in their life. Go here if you would like to know what we believe.  www.mormon.org

I love food,  I don't say no to food, I have no stop button, I never feel full, I never feel sick from over-eating, I am an emotional eater.

I have an addictive personality (whatever that means), if it weren't for my faith I'm positive I would be an alcoholic, so instead I self medicate with food and diet pepsi, I also escape with technology (apps on my phone, social media)

I am the oldest of 9 kids, I love big families!

I love being social, I love being with people.  I hate being alone.

I love nature, going to the mountains is a spiritual experience for me.

I am a special education teacher, what's your super power?  :)  I love my job, I love the kids I get to be with all day!  There's nothing like it, my students are like my own children, they are precious to me.  It is a rewarding experience!

I am a working mom- it is stressful, it's heart wrenching to drop my babies off at daycare, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  I would sell my soul to be with my kids all day. (I forgot to tell you that I am a VERY dramatic, hopeless romantic who wears her emotions on her sleeve).  My life is extremely busy, like I have no time for myself, EVER, and that's the way it's been for the last 8 years when I started working full-time.  Stress, stress, and more stress.  Especially being pregnant and working and having a baby that keeps you up all night for a year until said baby gets tubes and finally sleeps.  Then get pregnant again and throw up every day, multiple times a day, no sleep, and try to keep working and keep my family somewhat functioning...Sometimes I look back and say, how in the world did I make it?  How did I function?  I felt like a zombi.  People said to me all the time, "I don't know how you do it." I would say, "Look at me, I don't do it very well!" I wear my hair in a pony tail and I rarely wear makeup, just because I'm usually getting my kids ready and frankly I'd rather sleep in then get up an hour earlier to make myself look pretty.  I can look good, or my kids can look good, not both.  So I choose my kids. 

I am obese, very obese and have been obese for over 15 years. That is hard to write.  Very hard to write.  Just the word obese is disgusting to hear.  Hard for me to wrap my brain around, in my head I am thin and healthy.  I have always struggled with weight and have never been skinny.  I remember never wanting to wear shorts in high school because I hated my legs (I have wide calves, its so unfair, I'm a girl, why can't I have nice skinny calves and tiny ankles?)  I was skinny for a year before I got married because I ran twice a day.  TWICE a day.  I hate running, like hate it.  I am an angry runner.  Don't ever run with me unless you want to see my dark side...It's hard to explain.  I wish I liked running.  Maybe I will someday.  When I got married I was 120 lbs (that's running twice a day!!!) I'm also what you would call vertically challenged, I'm 5'1".  So in my mind, and on the BMI charts I should only weigh 105.  On my honeymoon I didn't want any pictures that showed my body, I remember covering up my legs!  I want to slap that girl!  I want to shake her and slap her!  Seriously?!  GAH!  Just accept your healthy body and be happy because you have NO IDEA what's coming!  That's what I want to say to that girl. 

I am ready for change.  So, I have been having babies for 15 years, never focusing on myself (and that's ok).  But now that I'm done having babies I am ready to take my body back.  I have been in denial about my weight because I don't have a full length mirror in my house, I don't take pictures or allow any pictures to be taken of me- except of my face.  If pictures do get taken I delete them or crop out my body.  So in my mind of denial I'm not as big as I actually am.  I'm still the girl who was 135-140 lbs. (before kids and not exercising)  Except my body kept breaking my denial/reality.  I have a hard time putting on shoes, forget trying to tie shoes, all my fatty fat/"Lane Giant" clothes are tight, my back and hips hurt frequently, I have plantar fasciitis, had diverticulitis (which is something OLD people get!), I can hardly do anything that requires exertion, walking up the stairs gets me out of breath, I can't play with my kids very well (it's hard for me to even sit on the floor), when my baby sits on my lap there's hardly any room for her with my front butt, I can't sit cross legged, I don't sleep well, and I have NO energy even though a constant flow of diet pepsi streams through my veins.  I don't let my hubby see me naked, I cringe when he touches me because he's feeling my disgusting fat.  It makes him very sad.  I am very thankful that he loves me for who I am and I know HE thinks I'm pretty, he tells me all the time (but I don't believe him).  Let me be clear- I hate my looks, but I don't hate myself. 

I am Desperate.  I got to the point where I was considering ordering a tape worm from Mexico.  Terrible, I know! But when you feel desperation, you start thinking crazy.  I used to dream that I was bulimic.  I have never tried anything like that and I am glad for that.  But I have tried weight watchers, the Zone, Atkins, hypnotherapy, fitness trainers, apps, workout videos, exercising, praying for help, pills, HCG shots- (which worked until I got pregnant again)- but I gave myself a shot everyday and lived on 500 cal/day for 6 weeks (I wouldn't do that again), only to gain it back PLUS more, every. single. time.  Depressing, overwhelming, hopeless, trapped- all things I felt about my weight for years and years.  And I'm sorry if you've never had to lose more than 100 lbs you will never know the depth of the hopelessness. Yes, every girl struggles and I don't know one girl in all my life that was happy with her weight.  But when you're REALLY overweight (Obese), then you feel the loss of any hope of getting over it.  It's just SO overwhelming.  Unless you've been there it's hard to describe.

I have Excuses.  I guess it's just my genes + my lack of self control + my stressful life + working full-time + my thyroid issue (why couldn't I have the one that makes you skinny?) + my lack of sleep + no time to exercise + exercise doesn't work for me unless I do 2 hrs/day + insert more excuses.  I even tried to get on biggest loser.  I needed Jillian to kick my butt because there's NO WAY I will ever lose this weight unless I can go to the biggest loser ranch and focus on myself while having Jillian scream at me.  I'd like to see Jillian come to my house, live my busy schedule and find time to get me healthy- HAHAHA!!!!

So then I heard of a health journey from my sister in law, she lost 35 lbs and kept it off.  It seemed to reset her metabolism.  I looked into it for a year.  I kept putting it off because of fear of failure of yet another thing I try that doesn't work.  I wish I wouldn't have waited so long!

I Have OPTIONS...I got to the point where it's either  1- surgery (which I can't afford and is scary), 2- die young and not see my kids grow up or be a grandma (I already picked my grandma name "Sweetie" I call all my kids sweetie and my students, so it's perfect), or 3- Try One more thing to lose weight and get healthy.  

My Dr recommended the program.  I decided to try it for one month.  I can do anything for one month.  If it works out we'll do another month.  I told myself I want to commit to 6 months.  It's my life on the line.  Any cost is my monthly prescription, it's not an option.  And it's not even that bad, I get all my food except one meal a day!  If you want to find out more please see my website on the side bar.

I am only on week 2 week of my journey, it's going to be long, it's not going to be easy, but it's already worth it.  And honestly so far, it has been easy.  I am motivated and committed.  I want this burden gone for good.  I want to be healthy, I want to thrive and not just survive.  I've been in survival mode for too many years.

Here are a few pics of my past to the present.  Some of these have never seen the light of day, they make me cringe, they make me nauseous, I want to rip them up and burn them,  it's not really me, they make me cry...

Frosh year at BYU

BYU with some great friends (I'm in the red shirt and black pants)

Engaged to my hunny

After first baby- I cried when I went clothes shopping because I had to get size 14 jeans ( I want to slap this girl too)

After 2nd baby, got used to being a little pudgy

Four beautiful babies

Teaching my cute students, but whoa...now size 16+  :(  I HATE this picture.

  :

Baby #5 and working full-time

now up to size 18 :(  :(

Baby #6 I would never change a thing, love my babies, so worth it!

Up to a size 20...one size up and 20 lbs for each baby I had, but still worth it

How did I get to this point?  How did I let this happen?  No one WANTS to be like this.  No one wants to feel ugly and hideous.  I didn't want to look like this.  No one WANTS to have a hard time doing EVERY single simple, daily thing, like putting shoes on, like walking up the stairs, like getting in your car....But you don't get fat overnight.  It happens slowly like a fog, poison seeping into your life.  One day you wake up and say, "Who is this person?  That's not me in the mirror, it can't be. And now it's too late, I can't fix this...."

First day of my health journey.  I can't believe I'm putting this picture on here!  Yuck!  I cried so much when I saw this.  Worst picture EVER.  I never see these sides to me.  :(  Seriously traumatic!  It's my screen saver on my phone as a constant reminder to not cheat on my health plan!  It works!

BUT- I can't wait to show my final pictures- it will be a few months, but I WILL get there and it will be a great day!

  So there you have it.  The beginning of my journey to a new, healthy me started 2 weeks ago and will never end.  I will never go back to being overweight, trapped, hopeless, and exhausted.  I am freeing myself from these chains.  Here's to doing hard things- overcoming weaknesses and fear of failure!  People have asked me if I will cheat.  ABSOLUTELY not!  I have "cheated" with food for 15 years, so I am DONE with cheating.  That sounds funny.  But seriously, I am NOT cheating.

#watchmelose  #committed  #thiswillbehard  #itsworthit  #willpower

Wish me luck!